WENTY’S TWO CENTS
The caffeine-addled ramblings of KCOW “Wakeup Show” host Jason Wentworth

I think we can all agree that the primary gift of Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ.  Followed by the time we share with family and friends…in my case, Christmas is usually the single time of the year when I get to see aunts, uncles, cousins, my sole surviving grandparent–and of course, my immediate family, including my brother and sister’s families.

But another word that looms large in the celebration of the holiday is nostalgia.  And as I’ve been sitting here listening to some Christmas tunes, I am reminded of some unforgettable Christmas mornings–and some major home runs delivered by Santa and my Mom and Dad.  So I thought I would try to count down the 8 presents that elicited that uniquely youthful reaction of happiness, shock, and awe–followed by a distinct disinterest in what the rest of the family got.

My hope is that as you read this, it will elicit your own memories of Christmas morning mindblowers.

(Note: This really isn’t in any order.   I don’t want to hurt Santa’s feelings, or my parents.)

1. Muppets. In the 70s, when I was but a tiny tot, Christmas morning meant a new Fisher-Price Muppet Doll or Puppet.  The grandaddy of them all was Kermit, who arrived in 1976 and eventually accompanied me on a trip my Mom and I took to California to see my Dad while he was on a long work assignment.  Kermit was followed by Scooter, Animal (with moving eyelids!) and Miss Piggy.

My belief in Santa was bolstered one year when, after some particularly rough play with Scooter (I seem to recall my brother and I testing his ability to slide down a steep staircase banister), the Muppet Theatre gofer’s plastic glasses broke.  After a gentle suggestion that Scooter was not meant to slide down banisters, Mom said that we could leave Scooter in the livingroom Christmas Eve before we went to bed.  And maybe–MAYBE–Santa would be able to repair him.  Christmas morning arrived and–miracle of miracles!–Scooter looked good as new.

2. Presents For The Entire Family To Enjoy.  For a while in the 80’s Santa’s stock-in-trade was to leave an all-family gift of epic proportions.  First was an Atari 2600.  With Combat (yawn) and Pac-Man.  And Aunt Nancy brought Space Invaders for our present at the all-Mason family-gathering at our house.  (Santa must have left some sort of note in her stocking.)  Then, a year or two after, a VCR.  I still remember making a test recording of  “Divorce Court.”  And finally, a Tandy computer, which–while a little buggy on first use–was eventually a well-used item.  We eventually moved the computer from the livingroom to the icy den, which served to add a 4D element to our playing of “Epyx Winter Games.”

3. A 13” black and white TV. This was the 1984 equivalent of getting an iPod or Nintendo GameBoy or what-have-you.  A  TV set–just for me–to put in my bedroom!  Mom and Dad did do some bartering with me for this–I had to get decent grades in my first 7th grade quarter.  And I did!  One B-, three Cs, a D, and an A- in study hall.  (This stellar academic record will be further discussed in a future Wenty’s Two Cents entitled “Why being a morning radio disc jockey is the only thing I am able to do for a living.”)  In 1990, when I actually got As and Bs in high school, I was upgraded to a color 1972 Zenith with cable.

4. Table fulla Garfield stuff. There’s a lot of hate out there for Garfield, but back in the day (1982 if I recall) he was hotter than curly fries.  I had the first 4 or 5 Garfield books, and the aforementioned table added Garfield pencils, coffee mug and other doo dads to my collection.

5. Box of old “Archie” comics. From about the age of 10 or 11 I was nuts about comic books.  Since I’m a nerd, I eschewed the superheroes for Bugs Bunnys, Richie Riches, Little Dots, and Archies–lots and lots of Archies.  Any trip to the city with my Dad, I could count on a trip to the cigar store–where he, like The Old Man of Christmas Story fame, would load up on lottery tickets in hope of  “a major award!”, while I would pick up the latest “Archie’s Pal Jughead” or “Betty and Veronica” (hubba hubba!).  Anyhow, a couple months before Christmas one year, my Dad the veteran collector–who could outdeal those Pawn Stars guys any day–bought a bunch of comic books at some estate sale or auction.  He showed them to me and I promptly drooled (not literally) over a huge stack of 1960s Archies.  He put them back in the box, never to be seen again!  Sob.  But then on Christmas morning, there they were.  Dad, in his typical good humor, feigned disgust: “Why, that rotten (summoning bench) Santa Claus went up to my attic and stole my (drad ratted) comic books!”  (Language changed for a family website.  My Dad also shares The Old Man’s  colorful use of the English language.)

6. Old TV Guides. My parents know what a retro doofus they have for a son.  My Mom has become an expert in all of my geeky obsessions.  Like the movie “White Christmas”, which she has gifted me with no less than 3 times. A basic VHS, a collectors edition with script and soundtrack, and just last Christmas, the movie on Blu Ray.  And she knew a bunch of  ’50s thru 70’s TV Guides would be an epic present.  I enjoy looking at the old ads and articles.  This will be further addressed in a future Wenty’s Two Cents to be entitled, “Why I Am Still Single.”

7. Boomboxes. On two occasions my Christmas morning was made totally awesome by the gift of music.  In the early 80s Santa got me a twin-cassette boombox where you could record off the radio.  This was crucial for two reasons: One, I was now able to record songs (including all 4 hours of the Rick Dees Weekly Top 40) onto blank cassettes.  Also, the twin cassette gave me a jerryrigged form of editing when I would make radio skits for fun (as Stewie Griffin says, “Everybody does it!”).  Then, in 1992 I got a CD/cassette boombox.  By this time I was an extremely inept student radio announcer on WGFR-FM, the voice of Adirondack Community College.  I was glad to get the CD boombox, ’cause I had already bought 3 CDs with my own money just to use on my show.  (Is that commitment?)

8. A Trip To Washington. Well…okay, this is not really a Christmas present.  But it stands as evidence of the incredible generosity of my parents, and their desire to see their children fill their lives with unforgettable experiences.  The year is 1996.  I’m the News Director at student radio station WBSU, the voice of SUNY Brockport.  (News Director was the board position nobody wanted…including me.  But being on the board…that I wanted.)

My cohort in student journalism, Steve Klafehn, had somehow managed to finagle three complete press credentials for the second inauguration of Bill Clinton.  Equally stupefying, he got a local travel agency to pop for the airfare in exchange for underwriting announcements during our reports.  Steve, fellow newsy Tonya Williams and I planned to make the trip.  But even with the airfare covered–and the fact that Steve found free lodging for us with a Washington artist/reporter–the fact remained that I was a dirt poor college student.

So Mom and Dad, after an already abundant Christmas, ponied up the dough for a new fat goose coat, winter shoes, and a bankroll for food and souvenirs.  (I managed to repay about $25 of the donation by bringing my Dad back a bunch of Clinton/Gore souvenirs.  He collects everything.)

Soooo….I would love for you to share memories of favorite Christmas morning unveilings in the comments.  You can also post insults about the weird stuff I like, but trust me: I have hundreds of Facebook friends who have that area pretty well covered.

I hope your Christmas is filled with the joy of giving, the gladness of loving, and a stocking that doesn’t contain any fruit.